I am back modding GTA 5 and being chased by a billion furious, armed cougars

I am back modding GTA 5 and being chased by a billion furious, armed cougars

I missed this.

I'm modding GTA 5 every day in a quest to either transform it into a PC version of GTA 6 or break it entirely. Come back tomorrow to find out what new horrible thing I've done to Rockstar's baby, or check out what I got up to earlier.

We are back. After a long sojourn to the centre of the self, I return—having completed a journey of discovery where I reflected on what I really wanted from modding GTA 5: my true desires, true capabilities, and where I want to take this whole thing as we walk, together, into the future. I speak to you now of the wisdom I have gained from my vagabond travels, behold:

I've put roving packs of hostile cougars in the game now.

The mod to put loads of cougars in Grand Theft Auto 5 is called Cougars, which is easy to remember, and it boasts "seven special cougar types" and four difficulties. Cougar time is initiated with a tap of the delete key, at which point you may choose either Catnap, Furmidable, Feral, or Catastrophe mode, which I am led to believe affects the volume of the cat hordes dispatched against you and the potency of their armaments.

Naturally, I opted for Catastrophe, kicking off a sort of pseudo-game-show opening where Franklin, Trevor, Michael, and Franklin's celebrity bodyguard were all fleeing angry litters of cats. Then we were off, with me—as Franklin—desperately dodging leaping cougars, some of them armed with heavy machine guns, some wearing body armour, some with traffic cones for reasons known only to God. Then I teleported, and the cougars followed me.

This process continued for a few minutes before I realised that, most likely, I was not going to reach my goal of a private jet waiting on the runway at Los Santos International. I performed a rare purposeful teleport to bring myself home, at which point about 56 quintillion cougars attempted to kill me. I solved this problem with an explosive micro-SMG.

When I boarded the plane, I was told I had won, and a man with a cougar for a head and a parade of dancing regular cougars behind him all congratulated me. I teleported away in the middle of their performance. It is good to be back.

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One of Josh's first memories is of playing Quake 2 on the family computer when he was much too young to be doing that, and he's been irreparably game-brained ever since. His writing has been featured in Vice, Fanbyte, and the Financial Times. He'll play pretty much anything, and has written far too much on everything from visual novels to Assassin's Creed. His most profound loves are for CRPGs, immersive sims, and any game whose ambition outstrips its budget. He thinks you're all far too mean about Deus Ex: Invisible War.

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